Have you ever had a day when you start out great and then slowly as the day goes by, you drop things, gets harassed, have a lot of crap at work, dealing with stupids, sorry I mean humans who makes you wish you could rip their heads off just as easy as on a Barbie or Ken doll… You have a mini breakdown and cries and curses in Swedish because you are so pissed. You finally gets to leave work and you go to the shop and there you are being stalked by one of the staff because they mistake you for being a shop lifter. You continue to the market (farmers market) aka human zoo and pushes your way through to buy a few avocados and lemons. Rushing out of there lucky to be alive. Drives home and carries the bags up the stairs and as you come home, you see that the electric bill has arrived, the house looks like a war zone, your body is hurting like you have been going all 13 rounds against the world champion in heavy weight boxing. And then you take of your shoe and sees that there is a hole in your sock and then there is a person on FB telling you that it is all your own fault! Today are one of those days for me.
And all I got to say to that FB person is: Well yeah maybe I did attract all of it but it still sucks big time!!! And I am totally understanding Dexter and his dark passenger because I have one too!
What I want to say is that even though I want to be on the happy train, in the vortex and stay positive I am still human. Even Ester Hicks and Oprah has a shit day once in a while and swears. IT IS OK!! You can be a LOA and co-creator and show your emotions. You are only human. However how you choose to deal with the stress, your emotions, hides the body and how you try to get back in to the right state of mind is what makes a difference.
Right now I am angry because I was doing quite good after a very rough weekend and last week, so I was enjoying it very much and I was doing very well this morning until I came to work and had to deal with the stupids. (I refuse to call my colleagues something else because I am really, really angry with them) Oh, Erdem and Osman are not stupids they are ok and they are not on my hit list.
Let me explain further…
I am Swedish Brazilian and that means that I am quite tall and I am half viking and half amazon. I say what I think and I don’t care if the person is rich, my boss, Bill Gates or who ever. I don’t fear authorities or their money. I have met stars, I partied with them and trust me, they are just as awesome as you and me! No more, no less. I respect people who deserves to be respected, I try to be nice to everyone and I help when I can. But I stand my ground when I am right. In a male dominated work place this is not appreciated. But this is the Brazilian Amazon side of me.
But being half Swedish means that I like to be organized, structured and I have a high work moral. If you have seen the series Vikings I can tell you that Swedish people are like that. We are pretty strong and determined. When we work, we work! 1 Swedish person can do the work of at least 5 Turkish persons, we are that efficient.
So that means that when I arrive in the morning I want to know what I need to do, if I need to do it in a special way, when it has to be done and then I am off to do a good job fast and effective. If I can see an improvement I will let my boss know and normally this is highly appreciated because every business wants to be more efficient and make more money. But not in Turkey, here it is a threat.
Here you do the same things both 2 or 3 times instead of doing it right from the beginning.
Do it again and do it right is the motto here in our company at least. It is OK if people wants to work like this but when people fuck up my work because they are not careful and not paying attention then this Valkyrie gets angry. And if it continues day after day then I simply run out of patience and it takes all my strength to not unleash the beast inside of me. I mean a Volcano in action has nothing against angry me. And to control the beast and not throw something hard at the stupids and declare them brain dead in a not so nice way takes all of my energy.
So when I come home I am exhausted, I am done! I try to meditate and do my EFT and some stretches to handle the pain and maybe watch something funny to get back into the right state of mind. But I know tomorrow it will be the same shit all over again. So the only solution is to change my work and do it fast because I have been waking up way to many mornings feeling like: I really do not want to do this. There is more to life than this. I know there is. (So if you have a good job for me let me know OK?)
I will tell you the problem at work…
I am supposed to work 4 hours per day 5 days a week in the winter and I am responsible for the customer care. So far so good. I have no problems with this. I have no problems to come and sit there for 4 hours doing nothing either.. Those 20 hours they own me.
There is some static work that needs to be done like putting the lables on the jewelry, arranging the displays etc. I am fine with this as well. But I have Fibromyalgia and disc hernias in my neck and back so my work position is really important and cold/draft/air conditions kills me and makes me hurt badly. They don’t know what work position is in Turkey and since they are quite short everything is too low for me so I sit in an awkward position. They open the doors wide open and I get caught in the draft. It doesn’t matter if you ask them to close it and explain to them or if you close the door because they will open it 5 minutes later. They just don’t get it.
I normally bite my teeth together and I hang in there my 4 hours. But then the boss sends me home early for a few days and then expects me to stay and do this kind of work for 7-8 hours in one row for several days weeks. And he will tell you the same day so if you have any plans you can just forget about it.0 That doesn’t work for me because it really cause me a lot of pain and I make plans. (They don’t make plans in Turkey)
I need structure to be able to do my meditations and relaxations to cope with the pain and my chores here at home. Shopping and cleaning takes planning for me if I should be able to work as well.
So when I protest and say no I am wrong and we have a fight about this and I am an ungrateful bitch. I tried to explain to him hey, stop sending me home early and let me do this work during the whole week since we are not open anyway. It is better for me and for you and it looks better in the shop. No habla ingles is his response but in Turkish then..
Why do I even bother??
To top it off I needed to sit in an office with 7 Turkish stupids who smokes, talks and talks about absolutely nothing in Turkish and makes sexual jokes about me etc (I am single in an Islamic country, that makes me a legal prey) is really doing my head in.
Just listening to a different language you don’t fully understand makes you tired.
After a while I told them that I will be downstairs and start to put the jewelry in their right place. No problems there, I started to listen to Spotify to distract myself and I got all the rings in place..
And then they sent down single earrings and opal jewelry all mixed together. I got all the opal rings in order. Then I went over to the pendants and put them in place and then I went over to the earrings and then I realized that it was all sets……
It is their job to divide them into sets when they put a label on them and inform me about it. They didn’t so I had to undo everything and it was a lot and my body was killing me.
All the display design got messed up and I had to spend a lot of time to match it all.
A bit irritated I informed them of their mistake but in a friendly way. They didn’t listen.
Then they sent down single pendants… Remember the single earrings from the first batch? Well guess what? Same thing again it is part of a set!! Then I totally freak out and I inform them that I am going when I have done the opals. 6 hours of that crap was my limit.
Why does this happen? Because they don’t pay attention, they don’t listen and they have no work ethics what so ever and they cannot think form them selves. They are not taught to do that. They would never dream about question anything. That’s why they will be called stupids from now on. They don’t want to learn or understand and that I cannot respect and it drives me bat shit crazy. It was very, very close today that I was throwing the whole load of earrings at the stupids. I left before that happened. I think I did good.
However I felt like the next stop was the Funny farm, since they have so nice sweaters there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iDl2zwF8TM
But I changed my mind and drove to my Swedish friend instead so I could get a huge, long Swedish hug and just let of some steam in my own language. It is only another person from Sweden living down here that can understand how hard it is to deal with this totally different mentality. And yes I know, I am idiot for moving down here when I could have moved to Brazil, Maldives, or America. Well I did learn a few things about myself so I guess I need to see it as a part of my education.
Since I don’t have a partner that can take my mind of things I figured I should start with a new hobby so I will start to make cute little male voodoo dolls..
So I will log off now and get to it! 🙂