If I Cancan, You Cancan!

Today I saw a highly inspirational TED Talk. I always love the TED Talk seminars but some of them stays with you. This was one of those. It was held by a gorgeous woman who is both smart, very good looking and so funny. I really liked her and she has made it onto my top 10 list with favorite comedians. If you don’t have a list with comedians then make one now! I will wait right here for you. It is a lifeline when you are having a ugly day and is an instant mood shifter.

Maybe you have heard of this excellent comedian her name is Maysoon Zayid and she is one heck of a woman let me tell you that! She also had a very good and wise father. 🙂 Bless his soul. I am so glad that she had the support of her family so she could develop into this beautiful woman. So many kids doesn’t get that chance today.

So before the seminar I was feeling a bit tired and my back was hurting when I woke up so I was a bit low but then I came across this and my mood and vibration shifted immedietly.
She has such a positive energy that it is contagious.
After I saw her seminar I felt so much lighter. Ans I thought, don’t be a lazy bug, call up your friend and go for a walk it will not only help with the pain it is good for me to see people and get some sun on my face.

So I will not keep you with my blabbering, go and check out the seminar on the link below and please let me know what you think.

Have a wonderful day out there.
If I cancan, You cancan



Grateful in the night…

Hi guys! 
It is late but I feel that I need to remind myself of what I am grateful about. I am slipping and we can not have that now can we? 🙂

I am grateful that I am alive.
I am grateful that I am healthier and stronger for every day that goes by.
I am grateful that my cats are healthy and happy.
I am grateful that the cats are spayed and neutered! lol
I am grateful that I started to paint
I am grateful for my creativity and my compassion.
I am grateful that I have a safe home.
I am grateful that I have loving friends.
I am grateful for my generous salary this year.
I am grateful for the weather being better.
I am grateful to be smiling a lot.
I am grateful that I have a comfortable bed.
I am grateful for internet.
I am grateful for Spotify.
I am grateful that those 2 pitbulls where adopted. 🙂 🙂
I am grateful that Inspiration comes to me so easily.
I am grateful that I found Switch words and EFT.
I am grateful for my FB groups and FB friends.. 
I am grateful that I am not ignorant. 
I am grateful that I found the things that were lost.
I am grateful that my shower is fixed. 
I am grateful now when my sleeping tablet kicked in so I can get a good nights rest.

And I am grateful that I have some wonderful followers.

Stay safe! 

Karma, I have a list for you….

ImageToday started off pretty OK, I was mentally prepared for the issues at work so it went much easier and I even had serious normal conversations with one of the supervisors! I really appreciated that! I also did my gratitude thing while driving to work and I can tell you that the blue Wisteria trees and Japanese cherry trees are wonderful when they bloom. I love to see that.

I also got a visit from a wonderful friend and this person impressed me so much by the determination to change his/her life. I am so proud over him/her. No matter if he/she succeeds or not I will be there. Pure unconditional love my dear friend. ALWAYS ♥

But today something happened that makes me ashamed to call myself human. I don’t want any part of this race.. Humans are just horrible beings with no hearts..
A fb friend shared a video of the difference between animals and humans.
And I am sad to say, there is no compassion or respect for life in some countries.
The video was showing on dog who was hit by a car and then the other dog crossed the road to save it and was successful with this. The dog survived. Thank you Good Power ♥ ♥ ♥

But then they showed a toddler, a 2 year old girl who was hit by a minivan. The person doesn’t even stop and look,  the driver just tries to drive over the hinder, it doesn’t work so he backs up a bit gains speed and drives over her. He just leaves her there. And then so many people drive by her, walks by her and she is laying there alive. Even a mother with a child walks by… A MOTHER!!!! Then she gets hit by another car!! I was praying that it was a dummy and that they just did it to test people but it was real. Then finally someone notices that she is alive and calls for help and another woman (her mother I think) rush to the child and gets her to the hospital where she dies.
It is absolutely disgusting behavior and horrible!! What cruelty and lack of compassion!

I don’t know enough words to express how I feel. I can tell you I had a break down and panic attack from watching this because I felt so bad for this Asian girl laying there all alone, with all this pain and being totally helpless. How can things like this happen?! Don’t they have hearts? No feelings? They are monsters! There is no respect for life what so ever in this side of the world. They flea the skin of dogs and cats alive and just continue with their lives. I hope Karma will find them and deal with them accordingly. And then I started to wonder, how many more children are victim of things like this? Too many I am sure.

I felt such rage and hatred and at the same time I was filled with so much love for this little girl and I wish I could tell her, that even though I didn’t know her or her name, she is so loved and she will live in my heart forever and I will try to help as many children as I can. In one way or another.. That is the only thing I can do to honor the children who dies like this.

I lit a candle for this little angel today and I sent her all my love. I know she is better off there than here. She is safe there.
No one was looking after her down here.. 😦 She will live on in my heart forever. I will never forget her. Bless her and may she rest in peace. ♥ ♥ ♥

For me children and animals are sacred, we need to look after them. The same goes for the weak ones in the society.
So I have decided that especially when I move to America I will get involved with charities for homeless people but I will also try to focus on helping kids and of course animals. perhaps become a foster parent, I have been thinking about that since I was 13 and met baby Michael who moved from foster home to foster home.  Or I can get involved in some project focusing on helping and supporting kids. Maybe even try to find a job within this sector? I need to do something! it will be hard since I am an empath and HSP. But I can do it, I have to do it.

I need to do some EFT and meditate..
Please say a prayer for the little angel, I would really appreciate it.  ♥

Over and out..

Edit, I now know her name. Her name was Yue Yue… This happened in 2011 so it is an old story but it should never be forgotten.
You can read about her here… Very strong images..

~ ♥ ~ RIP Little Angel Yue Yue ~ ♥ ~

Rants, Vodoo dolls, funny farm and going bat shit crazy!

Hi guys,

Have you ever had a day when you start out great and then slowly as the day goes by, you drop things, gets harassed, have a lot of crap at work, dealing with stupids, sorry I mean humans who makes you wish you could rip their heads off  just as easy as on a Barbie or Ken doll… You have a mini breakdown and cries and curses in Swedish because you are so pissed. You finally gets to leave work and you go to the shop and there you are being stalked by one of the staff because they mistake you for being a shop lifter. You continue to the market (farmers market) aka human zoo and pushes your way through to buy a few avocados and lemons. Rushing out of there lucky to be alive. Drives home and carries the bags up the stairs and as you come home, you see that the electric bill has arrived, the house looks like a war zone, your body is hurting like you have been going all 13 rounds against the world champion in heavy weight boxing. And then you take of your shoe and sees that there is a hole in your sock and then there is a person on FB telling you that it is all your own fault! Today are one of those days for me.

And all I got to say to that FB person is: Well yeah maybe I did attract all of it but it still sucks big time!!! And I am totally understanding Dexter and his dark passenger because I have one too!

What I want to say is that even though I want to be on the happy train, in the vortex and stay positive I am still human. Even Ester Hicks and Oprah has a shit day once in a while and swears. IT IS OK!! You can be a LOA and co-creator and show your emotions. You are only human. However how you choose to deal with the stress, your emotions, hides the body and how you try to get back in to the right state of mind is what makes a difference.

Right now I am angry because I was doing quite good after a very rough weekend and last week, so I was enjoying it very much and I was doing very well this morning until I came to work and had to deal with the stupids. (I refuse to call my colleagues something else because I am really, really angry with them) Oh, Erdem and Osman are not stupids they are ok and they are not on my hit list.

Let me explain further…
I am Swedish Brazilian and that means that I am quite tall and I am half viking and half amazon. I say what I think and I don’t care if the person is rich, my boss, Bill Gates or who ever. I don’t fear authorities or their money. I have met stars, I partied with them and trust me, they are just as awesome as you and me! No more, no less. I respect people who deserves to be respected, I try to be nice to everyone and I help when I can. But I stand my ground when I am right. In a male dominated work place this is not appreciated. But this is the Brazilian Amazon side of me. 

But being half Swedish means that I like to be organized, structured and I have a high work moral. If you have seen the series Vikings I can tell you that Swedish people are like that. We are pretty strong and determined. When we work, we work! 1 Swedish person can do the work of at least 5 Turkish persons, we are that efficient.
So that means that when I arrive in the morning I want to know what I need to do, if I need to do it in a special way, when it has to be done and then I am off to do a good job fast and effective. If I can see an improvement I will let my boss know and normally this is highly appreciated because every business wants to be more efficient and make more money. But not in Turkey, here it is a threat.

Here you do the same things both 2 or 3 times instead of doing it right from the beginning.
Do it again and do it right is the motto here in our company at least. It is OK if people wants to work like this but when people fuck up my work because they are not careful and not paying attention then this Valkyrie gets angry. And if it continues day after day then I simply run out of patience and it takes all my strength to not unleash the beast inside of me. I mean a Volcano in action has nothing against angry me. And to control the beast and not throw something hard at the stupids and declare them brain dead in a not so nice way takes all of my energy.

So when I come home I am exhausted, I am done! I try to meditate and do my EFT and some stretches to handle the pain and maybe watch something funny to get back into the right state of mind. But I know tomorrow it will be the same shit all over again. So the only solution is to change my work and do it fast because I have been waking up way to many mornings feeling like: I really do not want to do this. There is more to life than this. I know there is. (So if you have a good job for me let me know OK?)

I will tell you the problem at work…
I am supposed to work 4 hours per day 5 days a week in the winter and I am responsible for the customer care. So far so good. I have no problems with this. I have no problems to come and sit there for 4 hours doing nothing either.. Those 20 hours they own me.

There is some static work that needs to be done like putting the lables on the jewelry, arranging the displays etc. I am fine with this as well. But I have Fibromyalgia and disc hernias in my neck and back so my work position is really important and cold/draft/air conditions kills me and makes me hurt badly. They don’t know what work position is in Turkey and since they are quite short everything is too low for me so I sit in an awkward position. They open the doors wide open and I get caught in the draft. It doesn’t matter if you ask them to close it and explain to them or if you close the door because they will open it 5 minutes later. They just don’t get it.

I normally bite my teeth together and I hang in there my 4 hours. But then the boss sends me home early for a few days and then expects me to stay and do this kind of work for 7-8 hours in one row for several days weeks. And he will tell you the same day so if you have any plans you can just forget about it.0 That doesn’t work for me because it really cause me a lot of pain and I make plans. (They don’t make plans in Turkey)
I need structure to be able to do my meditations and relaxations to cope with the pain and my chores here at home. Shopping and cleaning takes planning for me if I should be able to work as well.

So when I protest and say no I am wrong and we have a fight about this and I am an ungrateful bitch.  I tried to explain to him hey, stop sending me home early and let me do this work during the whole week since we are not open anyway. It is better for me and for you and it looks better in the shop. No habla ingles is his response but in Turkish then..
Why do I even bother??

To top it off I needed to sit in an office with  7 Turkish stupids who smokes, talks and talks about absolutely nothing in Turkish and makes sexual jokes about me etc (I am single in an Islamic country, that makes me a legal prey) is really doing my head in.
Just listening to a different language you don’t fully understand makes you tired.

After a while I told them that I will be downstairs and start to put the jewelry in their right place. No problems there, I started to listen to Spotify to distract myself and I got all the rings in place..

And then they sent down single earrings and opal jewelry all mixed together. I got all the opal rings in order. Then I went over to the pendants and put them in place and then I went over to the earrings and then I realized that it was all sets……
It is their job to divide them into sets when they put a label on them and inform me about it. They didn’t so I had to undo everything and it was a lot and my body was killing me.
All the display design got messed up and I had to spend a lot of time to match it all.
A bit irritated I informed them of their mistake but in a friendly way. They didn’t listen.

Then they sent down single pendants… Remember the single earrings from the first batch? Well guess what? Same thing again it is part of a set!! Then I totally freak out and I inform them that I am going when I have done the opals. 6 hours of that crap was my limit.

Why does this happen? Because they don’t pay attention, they don’t listen and they have no work ethics what so ever and they cannot think form them selves. They are not taught to do that. They would never dream about question anything. That’s why they will be called stupids from now on. They don’t want to learn or understand and that I cannot respect and it drives me bat shit crazy. It was very, very close today that I was throwing the whole load of earrings at the stupids. I left before that happened. I think I did good.

However I felt like the next stop was the Funny farm, since they have so nice sweaters there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iDl2zwF8TM

But I changed my mind and drove to my Swedish friend instead so I could get a huge, long Swedish hug and just let of some steam in my own language. It is only another person from Sweden living down here that can understand how hard it is to deal with this totally different mentality. And yes I know, I am idiot for moving down here when I could have moved to Brazil, Maldives, or America.  Well I did learn a few things about myself so I guess I need to see it as a part of my education.

Since I don’t have a partner that can take my mind of things I figured I should start with a new hobby so I will start to make cute little male voodoo dolls..
So I will log off now and get to it! 🙂

Stay safe!

God on a motorcycle

Hello you wonderful people! This will be a post about something that might seem like nothing but it made me smile.
When I used to live in Sweden all my friends were driving Harleys and customized them. Even me and my ex 5 Harleys. He was one of the best builders in Sweden when it came to old bikes and he made me fall in love with an orange knucklehead bobber he customized. I lived that bike. Mind you, I don’t know how to drive, I just ride, but I loved watching him drive that bike!
He was like a God on Harley and took my breath away every time I saw him on it. I will try to find the picture of it.

Anyway, Harleys are very rare down here and you can forget about bobbers and I miss it so much. So can you imagine my smile when l was passed by a white bobber today? It was not a HD it was a Yamaha but non the less it was beautiful bobber and it made my heart smile. I didn’t see the face of the man but let me tell you he looked like a God on a Yama and it made my day!  The bobber was white, hummer tank, fat wheels and just like a bobber should be. The guy wearing blue jeans. Black bomber jacket, backpack and a black integral. Driving it with an attitude that was perfect. It gave me such a happy feeling inside and for this I am grateful. I needed to feel those feelings, feeling alive. I am so forcing my friends to rent a Harley this summer when they come for a visit. I need to feel that freedom again.

Maybe I should take my drivers licence for motorcycle before I leave Turkey… It would be so cool. Then I would look something like the woman in the picture. Note the high heels.. 🙂

Have a great day out there folks!


When you greet someone in a friendly way, you never know what a positive effect you will have.

iiA certain individual who greeted everyone with a smile and kind words was approached by someone and told, “You saved my life.” The person went on to tell how he’d suffered a number of serious setbacks and was contemplating suicide. He felt totally alone and depressed and felt that no one cared about him. Then this fellow greeted him with a sincere smile and a cheerful voice. This immediately lifted up his spirits and he was resolved to continue living.

Experiment just for today. Greet everyone you encounter with a smile. 

If you need to, visualize yourself greeting others in a cheerful and friendly way. Note how they react. 

A smile is contagious and can potentially transform the mood of thousands.

~ Xavier S Raj

NOW I get it!!

Good morning ax handle is something we say in Swedish to a person who realizes things a bit late. In this case, yours truly…..

I have finally figured out why I am so stressed all the time lately.Last night when I went to bed I asked for answers and this morning it struck me like lightning from the sky… 
I am so stupid. (No I am not but you know what I mean) *rolls up a magazine and hits myself on the head with it* 
Seriously how could I not see that? Now I see it so clearly and it is so obvious.

But first of all I want to make this clear… I am not blaming my mother for all the crap that has happened in my life. Sure she is a part of it but it is up to me what I do with my life. I am only connecting the dots here so that I can take responsibility for my well being. It is my life and it is my job to make myself happy. 🙂

I really, REALLY have to deal with this mother issue. It is affecting my whole life. Ok hang in there I promise this will make sense and maybe it will help some of you out there as well. ( I sure hope so otherwise I will feel like a complete idiot for revealing all of this lol)

In Turkey it is common to great a person by stating that they got so fat. It sounds something like this:
– Hi Tinha, oh God you gained a lot of weight!! Of course this message is delivered in a very dramatic way! 

Needless to say it is not something you don’t want to hear. I have mirrors at home and I can feel how my clothes sits on me so trust me I know EXACTLY how I look. Anyway it would be hurtful for anyone to hear this but for me it really gets to it because it triggers a memory inside of me.
My mother and sister calling me their little fat kid, but to them it is in a loving way.. The Swedish word is “Tjockamolla”.
This is what I remember when the Turkish people say things like this to me and the FEELING it gives me is that I am not good enough. And then I get both angry, hurt and sad. This is important because when we work with LOA  feelings are so important. And if I am walking around not feeling good enough of course I will attract a lot of crap into my life! I knew I had issues, I just never understood exactly how deep this is rooted inside me. I thought I was doing OK and coping quite well. Did you notice the word coping? You are not supposed to “cope” with things like this you are supposed to work with the feelings, make peace with the situation, release it and be done with it so you can ENJOY your life!

But the weight is only one part of my mommy issues. My mother she made sure I had everything I needed when it came to money, food, roof over my head, clean clothes etc. And I know my mother loves me incredibly much. She just has a fucked up way of showing it! It is not her fault, she doesn’t know better and being a street child from Brazil growing up in a dysfunctional step family what can you expect? BUT it was her responsibility to deal with her issues and make her future better.. She didn’t.

My mother doesn’t know what my favorite food is, she doesn’t know when I feel crap, when I have a partner in my life etc. She doesn’t know how many cat’s I have or what their name is. She doesn’t know that every time she talks to me on the phone she is pouring salt in my emotional wounds because it reminds me of the fact that she has no interest what so ever to know these things about me. I have never felt emotional support from her. When I was in bad situations and needed her she actually made it worse. Those things hurts. She never had my back. It is always my fault.. No matter what. If something is wrong at my work, it is my fault. If my relationships fails it is because of me and my behavior. I know nothing. I am just a spoiled and lazy person who claims to have chronic pain and fatigue so I don’t have to work. I am a failure because I haven’t produced any children yet. But when all hell breaks loose and she can’t handle things then both she and my sister turns to me… The black sheep who knows nothing. THEN I am good enough.
Yes I really irritate me on that..

For the last 5 years our monthly phone conversations has been like this:
– Hi it is mummy, can you talk?
– Sure
– You need to transfer money so I can pay grandmas bills. (im handling my grandmas accounts)
– OK I will do that.
– Good. Are you OK? Do you have a job? Do you have a boyfriend?
– Yes I am fine, work is ok and no I dont have a boyfriend.
-Yes my child life is so hard.. It is so hard for me and grandma is doing ok but it is so difficult. (she means it is difficult for her to visit my grandma once a week and just have a cup of coffee with her) But I will keep fighting with my struggles.
-Ok but you and your partner, and grandma are ok?
-Yes we are good. OK bye I love you.

Then depending on the situation  we discuss my summer house or things with grandma. She asks for my advice on how I want to handle things and then she does the opposite and most of the times it costs me and my grandma a lot of money or it causes problems I have to sort out. 

And then I am ungrateful because I question her and we have all of the drama, screaming scene. She doesn’t know how to speak and communicate and she can not listen what so ever, not to me, not to her partners, to her colleagues or bosses. She has NEVER done anything wrong. It is always, without a doubt my fault. She is an alcoholic, she will never admit it because she managed to keep and manage her work, and feed me and keep our house clean. But when she drinks she is like an evil demon..  And of course I am the one provoking her to hit me, scream at me, to kidnap my dog, say the most horrible things to me or threaten to abandon my grandmother in Sweden while I am here in Turkey.

She is the one person who can get me from peaceful like Buddha himself to raging she devil in 0,3 seconds. And I am angry with myself for giving her this power over me. It is such an incredible stress factor for me. Because again I am not good enough, I don’t know anything, I am a failure, I am not responsible and I am lazy and not sick for real.
A mother is not supposed to make her child feel like this but that is actually her problem and her demons to fight. I think she is incredibly stupid because she has never taken responsibility for any of the things that happened and the she thinks she can do the same things over and over expecting a new result every time. And I have no patience with stupid.
Seriously, I cant handle truly stupid people who refuse to learn things and see it from a different perspective.

But anyway, so I left Sweden and I arrived to sunny Marmaris in Turkey. I felt great the first years. It was warm and sunny and I felt like I could breathe. My fibromyalgia got so much better that I actually was able to work for the first time in many, many years, talk about a boost for my self-esteem! I had a few jobs here and I managed to land one of the top jobs for a foreigner here in my city. I have an all year LEGAL work with insurance and a decent salary (it is peanut money for the most of you but for being Turkey and being a legal job it is a lot of money). But it is a male dominated workplace and most of the men are conservative. It is a problem…
Because in Turkey people love to gossip and the men are extreme with their gossip about everything and they talk very badly of women. At least at my work place it is like this.
And there is also a daily sexual harassment since I am a foreign single woman. And when you put down your foot and tell them that it is not ok then I am a problem and I am uncomfortable and it is my fault.. When I do the right thing and tells them that they are doing something wrong, it is still my fault. When they can’t sell to Scandinavians or European and I tell them why, it is still my fault. I mean if the sky would fall down over us it would still be my fault. They do wrong and I have to live with the consequences and there is no support to be found what so ever here. When I was hit by a car everyone was angry with me even though it wasn’t my fault. No hugs, no support, no compassion. If you have a suggestion that would make things better for them/their business they will not listen because what do I know? I am a woman and a foreigner. Nothing I ever do is never good enough. The harder I try the harder I will be fought back. And if I should stand my ground and defend myself then I am the problem. I am ungrateful. I have everything and still I complain. Does anything of this sounds familiar? Can you see the pattern?
NOW I can see it too.

I moved from Sweden and left my mother there and moved to Turkey and a country filled with “my mother”!!  Can you believe it? Talk about a message from the Universe…
You got to be fucking kidding me!! No wonder I am feeling stressed and frustrated here! It is so obvious. So this is really my Eat Pray Love journey. Before I leave Turkey I will release this issue with my mother so I don’t attract more of this.

By the way, I have had a lot of back problem during my whole life and do you know what that means according to wonderful Louise Hay? Lack of support and financial struggles.
It is head on! I bet as soon as I have released this mommy issue I can guarantee you that I will meet Mr Right, I will attract more money, the job I want and the move that I want. Wait and see. Some big changes are coming. Please feel free to send me some positive and healing energy. I will succeed with changing this. The dog days are over!! 🙂 Clarity and insight is a wonderful thing.

I am totally open to advice on how to work with this. I will use the tools of EFT, Fast EFT, Ho’oponopono and some chakra healing and of course meditations and affirmations.
And I am also open if any of you need some support on your journey towards happiness.
Just send me a PM.

May the force be with us all! 🙂

Preparing for my journeyPreparing to meet my demons..