Loving the people who criticizes you.

Hello all of you beautiful people and the rest of you too! 😀

I learn something new everyday and yesterday I learned 3 things.

  1. Being lazy will come back and bite you in your ass.
  2. Don’t just take someones word for things, always look things up!
  3. Love the people who calls you out on your bullshit and criticizes you.. This is a really tough one but very important.

I have to admit that sometimes I am way to lazy for my own good. You see, I have been in the gold business for a few years now and I wasn’t really interested in the gold when I started, gold is gold, it is a metal, and I don’t need to be an expert to sell it. I mean it is not like selling a computer where I have to know every component and be able to explain what it does.

So I didn’t read up on it, sure I read a little bit but basically I just listened to the guy, one of my sales managers who gave me the basic introduction when I started, he is also the one who gives the information to the UK people that visits our store. I mean he has been doing this for years and he knows what he is talking about, right?

Man, was I wrong..
It turns out that he does not know what he is talking about and he doesn’t have his facts straight and that means that I don’t have my facts straight. How did I learn about this? Let me tell ya, yesterday in the middle of my presentation to one of our groups a man called me out on it, in the middle of the lecture, in front of everyone. Guess three times how embarrassing that was on a scale from 1-10.. I would say around 297!!!! And whose fault was it?? MINE!! No matter how much I want to blame the guy who taught me, I can’t! I didn’t cross check the information I got from him because I was lazy and quite frankly I didn’t give a damn. The result, it made me look unprofessional and that is the one thing I can’t stand. So I am truly grateful for this man, who pointed out my mistakes. He taught me to always check my facts and not just take someones word for it. Thank you Sir and thank you Universe who sent him to give me this lesson.

You see the people who comes into our lives and points out our mistakes are mentors.
Because of this man I will now better myself, my lectures and never make the same mistake again. For this I am grateful.

How does it get any better than this?

Namaste,
Tinha

I am walking down another street!

I love Dr Wayne Dyer and I miss him a lot, bless his soul. I often watch his seminars on YouTube and I try to implement what he taught us in his videos. There is especially one seminar, where he reads a poem by Portia Nelson that I like very much, and yesterday late at night I finally, got it. I really got it!

You see, I am a single woman, who is very attracted to the alpha male types. You know the highly successful men, who make things happen, they can make decisions and they are going somewhere in life. Many of them are business leaders, managers, CEO:s etc and some of them are narcissists…

I am very familiar with narcissists, I was raised by one, my mother. I later on dated them, but at that time they were bad boys. Then I grew up and met a very successful man, let’s call him P. He was a biker, but not one of those biker gang guys. He was handsome, smart, cool, and he could make money out of anything, he was very talented. I was so impressed by him, his intelligence and his ability to make money. And the best part, he really liked me, or at least so I thought..
He also had a son, who I later found out also was a narcissist and I spent more than 4 years living with them. It nearly destroyed me, I lost myself in the process. He broke my heart totally and it took a long, long time for me to pick up the pieces. This was before I moved to Turkey and he was one of the reasons to why I moved.

I cut all ties and seized all contact with him and his son. No fb, no messages, nothing. This was really hard because I was obsessed with him, his attention was like heroin to me. But I did it, because of  5 very good friends of mine. Veronica, Stellan, Christer, Ingela, Jeppe and Victoria. Without them I couldn’t have done it. Thank you!

I have bumped into him again a few times after that when I have been home, but I totally ignore him, no hello, no contact. I know very well that I can’t even talk to him even once, because I will be drawn into his web all over again and it will kill me this time. It is just like a sober heroin addict, who just  wants to have one small fix for old times sake. *KAABOOM* Straight back into addiction! And I love myself way too much to even consider it.

This was back in 2008 when the relationship ended and even today he is still effecting me very much, I dream about him a lot at night, he is in my mind. Sometimes I can hear his voice when there is something that triggers a memory. I used to hate him but I don’t anymore. I am grateful, because of him I started to read more and more about human behavior, I started to study my own behavior and I improved myself and many other positive things, I became more aware. I would never have done that if I would have stayed in his presence. He also taught me what red flags and warning signs to look out for. This was really learning by doing.

Unfortunately though, I don’t dare to trust my instincts when I see the red flags. I start to question myself, is it me who is overly cautious and paranoid? Perhaps I am just being silly and scared after the relationship I had? So I find myself in the same position over and over again since the universe will unmercifully repeat the situation until you have learned the damned lesson! That is how it is and I am a very, very slow learner sometimes.
Until yesterday that is..

Last year in 2o15, I met a man online, lets call him R.  He seemed perfect, he was tall, very intellectual, wanted kids, had an extremely high IQ, he was looking for the same kind of relationship as I was looking for and he really understood me. Sure there was a few things that was weird, we only had contact when he wanted to and sometimes he avoided my questions, it was like he was blowing hot and cold but I was really interested in him. We decided to meet and he flew out here to meet me. At this time I had some intense dreams about my ex P, I couldn’t understand why I had that. I was totally focused on the new guy so it didn’t make sense at all. Guess what, during those 3 days we spent together there was temper tantrums, he pushed me, he screamed at me for interrupting him, he got upset because I didn’t take good enough pictures of him and he took an incredible amount of selfies (around 100). It was all about him. I even left him in the restaurant in the middle of dinner because he was behaving totally unacceptable. After we parted I sent him an email asking him to send the few pictures he took of me, I never got an answer. He was another narcissist. The good news is that this time it took 3 days to figure it and not 4 years.

After this episode, I have bumped into a few more narcissists online, and the most current one is a Swedish man who was behaving very much like R, he even looks like R! The funny part is that it is the same story all over again, self focused, he is promoting himself, disappearing for a few weeks and then showing up again just to be so incredibly busy but he wants to fly out here and meet me. And guess what, I got so pissed off by his behavior!
Who the fuck do he think he is? You see, since I have been around so many narcissists, I have read up on them and I have learned to discover them sooner and I know how to break up with them. But it also made me stronger and it made me realize my own value and when someone tries to walk all over me I become angry and that anger helps me move mountains. So when Mr Sweden contacted me I politely blew him off and it felt great! You cannot win or get revenge on a narcissist, don’t even try. Just make sure that they leave you alone.

And then I realized one thing, this time I have been thinking a lot and having very vivid dreams about both P and R!! I didn’t make the connection until this Swedish man tried to do his trick again. Whenever I come close to a narcissist my subconscious is guiding and warning me and I have been too blocked to see it! *rolls up a newspaper and hits myself on the head with it!* Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

I mean it is so obvious, how could I not see it?!  And then when I went to bed and I had finished writing in my journal, it hit me straight in the face, gently with a chair, what Wayne Dyer and Portia Nelson wanted to say with this poem. Late shall the sinner awake..
If you want to see the video with Wayne Dyer when he reads the poem, click here

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

downhole

I am SO walking down another street my friends!!
Namaste,
Tinha