Another customer inspiration..

I had two lovely clients today, they were a lovely couple and their story was amazing. Their marriage was exceptional and what struck me the most was that they seemed still in love, after so many years.

He was a former General who had been stationed around the world, he had some amazing stories to share, especially one about how he bumped into former president Bush in the locker room. 🙂 His wife devoted her whole life to support her husband and they had seen some extraordinary things. But now when they are retired she has started a small company and now she is the boss and he is working for her. They also make sure to take lot of time off to travel the world but they were also very involved with the Lions organisation.

So what was so special about this couple?

They had fun together, so much fun and they were laughing a lot!
They invested themselves in their partners career and interests.
They got involved in the community/charity together.
They communicated a lot.
They showed each other respect and tolerance.
They had decided that they wanted to be together and work for it.

It was beautiful to see and it was truly inspiring! Now I know what I want and most importantly I saw that these kind of relationships do exists outside of my imagination. 🙂

What are your best relationship advice?
Leave a comment below!

Go out and shine!
Tinha

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I am walking down another street!

I love Dr Wayne Dyer and I miss him a lot, bless his soul. I often watch his seminars on YouTube and I try to implement what he taught us in his videos. There is especially one seminar, where he reads a poem by Portia Nelson that I like very much, and yesterday late at night I finally, got it. I really got it!

You see, I am a single woman, who is very attracted to the alpha male types. You know the highly successful men, who make things happen, they can make decisions and they are going somewhere in life. Many of them are business leaders, managers, CEO:s etc and some of them are narcissists…

I am very familiar with narcissists, I was raised by one, my mother. I later on dated them, but at that time they were bad boys. Then I grew up and met a very successful man, let’s call him P. He was a biker, but not one of those biker gang guys. He was handsome, smart, cool, and he could make money out of anything, he was very talented. I was so impressed by him, his intelligence and his ability to make money. And the best part, he really liked me, or at least so I thought..
He also had a son, who I later found out also was a narcissist and I spent more than 4 years living with them. It nearly destroyed me, I lost myself in the process. He broke my heart totally and it took a long, long time for me to pick up the pieces. This was before I moved to Turkey and he was one of the reasons to why I moved.

I cut all ties and seized all contact with him and his son. No fb, no messages, nothing. This was really hard because I was obsessed with him, his attention was like heroin to me. But I did it, because of  5 very good friends of mine. Veronica, Stellan, Christer, Ingela, Jeppe and Victoria. Without them I couldn’t have done it. Thank you!

I have bumped into him again a few times after that when I have been home, but I totally ignore him, no hello, no contact. I know very well that I can’t even talk to him even once, because I will be drawn into his web all over again and it will kill me this time. It is just like a sober heroin addict, who just  wants to have one small fix for old times sake. *KAABOOM* Straight back into addiction! And I love myself way too much to even consider it.

This was back in 2008 when the relationship ended and even today he is still effecting me very much, I dream about him a lot at night, he is in my mind. Sometimes I can hear his voice when there is something that triggers a memory. I used to hate him but I don’t anymore. I am grateful, because of him I started to read more and more about human behavior, I started to study my own behavior and I improved myself and many other positive things, I became more aware. I would never have done that if I would have stayed in his presence. He also taught me what red flags and warning signs to look out for. This was really learning by doing.

Unfortunately though, I don’t dare to trust my instincts when I see the red flags. I start to question myself, is it me who is overly cautious and paranoid? Perhaps I am just being silly and scared after the relationship I had? So I find myself in the same position over and over again since the universe will unmercifully repeat the situation until you have learned the damned lesson! That is how it is and I am a very, very slow learner sometimes.
Until yesterday that is..

Last year in 2o15, I met a man online, lets call him R.  He seemed perfect, he was tall, very intellectual, wanted kids, had an extremely high IQ, he was looking for the same kind of relationship as I was looking for and he really understood me. Sure there was a few things that was weird, we only had contact when he wanted to and sometimes he avoided my questions, it was like he was blowing hot and cold but I was really interested in him. We decided to meet and he flew out here to meet me. At this time I had some intense dreams about my ex P, I couldn’t understand why I had that. I was totally focused on the new guy so it didn’t make sense at all. Guess what, during those 3 days we spent together there was temper tantrums, he pushed me, he screamed at me for interrupting him, he got upset because I didn’t take good enough pictures of him and he took an incredible amount of selfies (around 100). It was all about him. I even left him in the restaurant in the middle of dinner because he was behaving totally unacceptable. After we parted I sent him an email asking him to send the few pictures he took of me, I never got an answer. He was another narcissist. The good news is that this time it took 3 days to figure it and not 4 years.

After this episode, I have bumped into a few more narcissists online, and the most current one is a Swedish man who was behaving very much like R, he even looks like R! The funny part is that it is the same story all over again, self focused, he is promoting himself, disappearing for a few weeks and then showing up again just to be so incredibly busy but he wants to fly out here and meet me. And guess what, I got so pissed off by his behavior!
Who the fuck do he think he is? You see, since I have been around so many narcissists, I have read up on them and I have learned to discover them sooner and I know how to break up with them. But it also made me stronger and it made me realize my own value and when someone tries to walk all over me I become angry and that anger helps me move mountains. So when Mr Sweden contacted me I politely blew him off and it felt great! You cannot win or get revenge on a narcissist, don’t even try. Just make sure that they leave you alone.

And then I realized one thing, this time I have been thinking a lot and having very vivid dreams about both P and R!! I didn’t make the connection until this Swedish man tried to do his trick again. Whenever I come close to a narcissist my subconscious is guiding and warning me and I have been too blocked to see it! *rolls up a newspaper and hits myself on the head with it!* Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

I mean it is so obvious, how could I not see it?!  And then when I went to bed and I had finished writing in my journal, it hit me straight in the face, gently with a chair, what Wayne Dyer and Portia Nelson wanted to say with this poem. Late shall the sinner awake..
If you want to see the video with Wayne Dyer when he reads the poem, click here

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

downhole

I am SO walking down another street my friends!!
Namaste,
Tinha

It is not a Find 5 faults with this person game

Hello you awesome people out there!
This is just a short post (Ah well the intention is to make it short but we all know how it normally goes don’t we?) about something really important. Consider it one of the best life hacks EVER! Are you ready for it?

Ok then here it is.. 
Instead of finding and listing everything wrong with your partner, friend, relative then list some of the nice things about him/her! 

Tada! Isn’t it great?  Ok I will explain why you should do this. 

1) You get more of what you focus on, so if you have a shitty boyfriend/colleague/family etc then you will get more of shitty boyfriend/colleague/family if you are focusing on all the negative. But if you focus on the positive you will get more positive.

2) It will make you feel better. Being focused on negative things will only make you more negative and bring even more negative things into your life. Do you see a pattern here?

3) It will be a make over for your relationship. It is like breathing new air into it. 

4) Because I say so? 😉 lol

5) Because you will be a good person and good persons ends up on Santas list! 

(My excuse is that this post is being written in the middle of the night and I have some weird sense of humor at this time of night. 🙂

Yesterday I was angry with a person, I’ve had it and I wanted to write all the things he did wrong. So I opened the note app in my phone and I started to write but it didn’t feel good. What was I doing? I like this person and I want him in my life so why would I list all the bad things? It only leads to more conflict and nothing positive comes out of it. So I started to write one positive thing and then another and then it just continued and let me tell you it felt great in the end. My mood shifted completely and it was some kind of positive writing. I didnt send it, I just read it, smiled and felt the love inside of me. 

Guess what? A few hours later I talked with the person and his energy had shifted totally! We had a lovely conversation, sorted everything out and we were good. Coinsidence? I think not my dear Watson! 

So next time you are angry at your boss, your partner your kids etc you might wanna try this before you send off a hate mail. 
Lets put an end to this “Find 5 faults with this person game” that we normally play, shall we? 

Spread the love and pink glitter and stay safe!

Zoom zoom
Tinha

When you greet someone in a friendly way, you never know what a positive effect you will have.

iiA certain individual who greeted everyone with a smile and kind words was approached by someone and told, “You saved my life.” The person went on to tell how he’d suffered a number of serious setbacks and was contemplating suicide. He felt totally alone and depressed and felt that no one cared about him. Then this fellow greeted him with a sincere smile and a cheerful voice. This immediately lifted up his spirits and he was resolved to continue living.

Experiment just for today. Greet everyone you encounter with a smile. 

If you need to, visualize yourself greeting others in a cheerful and friendly way. Note how they react. 

A smile is contagious and can potentially transform the mood of thousands.

~ Xavier S Raj

Turning Chaos into Cosmos

I’m sitting here again… In the middle of the night with a snake nest of feelings. I’m thinking about my ex, if I dare to trust him again. Should I follow my heart or do what I have been doing for more than a year now and try to resist? Or should I just throw myself out there over the cliff and feel. Love without limits and not knowing what will come next. Stop thinking and live like there is no tomorrow. Love with all I have got knowing that it might hurt in the end but just be here and now and let go of all control that I love to have.
Maybe, I don’t know. If I do I will feel like I betray my friends that has been there for me.
But if I don’t then maybe I betray me. My panic attacks are an indicator that I am not doing very well. So I will take one day at a time and do what feels best in that moment when it comes to love. I don’t know what will happen and it is ok. Maybe I need to break down in a way I never have done before to be able to move on? Who knows..  All I know is that I do love him and I can not deny that, I will stop trying to understand why I love him, it just is.
I am sure it will resolve itself for the better. 

I am worried about my Visa renewal.. I put my trust in a dear friend but it might not turn out like it was planned and that means I will have some problems getting my visa and without my visa I will not get a work permit. I need to have some money in the bank just for show and since I don’t make that much working here it can be hard to raise the money especially at the beginning of the season so I was planning on doing 3 years this time so I eliminate one thing that gives me stress. But now I don’t know what will happen. I believe in my friend, I don’t loose faith. Maybe I just need to ask a few more people instead of getting it all from one place. I am confident in that it will be ok.
I will get my Visa for more than one year.

I seem to have lost a few friends this week and I get remarks and comments that hurt my feelings. I don’t know what is going on but I don’t like it so I am distancing myself from them. I wonder if it has to do with the massive de-cluttering I did in my bedroom, it can stir up a lot of things if you believe in Feng Shui like I do.. People are just rude out of no where saying horrible things and you become totally shocked because you don’t see it coming. I guess I need to do some cleaning… I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you.
Well I wish those people luck in their lives and I hope they will live a long and happy life.

Now when they are gone there are room for some lovely and positive people. People who sees ME and accepts that I am different but have a good heart. People who inspires me and let me return the favor. I met one woman, she is a bit older but what and inspiration she is. I hope I am like her when I reach her age.
Wow, she is just awesome!

Someone told me today that life is not supposed to be this emotional roller coaster I am on at the moment but like a nice river with a steady flow. I really liked the sound of that and I could relate to that. I feel like I need to find my way back into the good feeling and how to stay there no matter what. When I learn that I will be a rich woman shortly after that I think. 🙂 Writing helps a lot even though this blog was not meant to went my personal things on but what the heck they are part of me. And I have decided that I will turn my life around and be successful in all areas so it is only fair that you get to follow me in my ups and downs.
The most fantastic river flows inside me, I just have to reach it. 

I want to thank my friends for listening to me, supporting and comforting me when I am down. You guys are true friends ans sometimes we sit and laugh even though we are crying and going through some rough periods. I feel very lucky to have you in my corner.  You are like Mickey in Rocky. Hard but right and you kick my ass when I need it.
I can do this!

 

Getting back into the right state of mind.

Sometimes things happens that gets us off balance and that is ok. What is important is to get back up in the saddle. I am one of those persons who can’t let go and goes over it in my mind, over and over again. It is really hard for me to break the pattern but my will and determination is stronger than anything else. I am still trying to master my feelings but I thought I would share with you a few things I do and one thing I learned yesterday from SARK. Never heard of SARK before so I am actually exploring planet SARK right now. 🙂 Ok so this is what I do when I am low / sad / angry / hurt.

I allow myself to be sad.
I am sad for a little while, I cry a little to let it out. I might listen to music that feels appropriate at the moment.

I do something to stop it.
I follow SARKS advice: “Set your fears on fire! Write them down and burn them up. This is a process of liberating and separating you from your fears” So I write my fears down, ALL of them and I am completely honest about it and then I reread the list and then I burn it up and say to myself: Ok we are done now.

I start my quest
I have learned that laughter helps so I start my quest for laughter. I might ask for help from my friends by saying: “Hey I feel like crap do you have any good jokes / Youtube videos / songs you can share that will cheer me up?” Bill Engvall and Jeff Dunham and some Swedish comedians always cracks me up. And then I might start to put on some good dance music just to get out of my own misery because I can not be miserable when I listen to Guru Josh’s Infinity for example. And if it is the weekend I try to go out dancing and enjoy myself. Here you have to find what makes you feel good and adjust it so it fits you. Maybe fishing, golf etc.

I Fake it until I make it
Don’t get me wrong, the bad thoughts and feelings are still showing their ugly faces once in a while but I just say: “Hi, yes I saw that you stopped by now go away!” So I try to laugh and smile as much as possible and I try to find cute and funny things on facebook and give positive comments. Fake it until you make it really works for me.

Ho’oponopono
But when you lay in bed before you sleep then it can be hard. What I will say now might be hard for some of you and you can read more about it here. But it is to forgive the
&#(@¤#&”¤ that hurt you… So I take some time to do Ho’oponopono.
It is basically to see the person in front of you and say:

    • I am sorry
    • I love you
    • Please forgive me
    • Thank you

But you have to MEAN it! Repeat it until it starts to feel better inside of you. This is you taking the responsibility of the situation to make both you and them feel better. Don’t think about that they did/where wrong. We will get to this in a later post. Just do it! This is about YOU and how to make YOU feel better. Ok have you done it? Great! 🙂

My Sweet Dreams
If you are anything like me you think way to much when you sleep as well so thats when I put on my Kelly Howells Awakening Kundalini guided mediation. You are not supposed to fall asleep with it on but I use it as my goodnight story. It stops me from thinking negative thoughts just before I fall asleep.

Good Morning Sunshine
And when I wake up in the morning I start with the hopponnoppo directly and then I turn on the good music immediately and I start my quest to find more positive things. And I also try to smile towards people I meat and say nice things. And appreciate the sunshine by example or that nice coffee I had on my break. And it works!

So these are the things that works for me and hopefully someone out there might get helped by this. Now I will go out and enjoy the wonderful sunshine and feel the how it’s heat on my cheeks.
What do you do when you feel low? Please feel free to share. 🙂

I want it all!! :P

I just came home from a lovely evening and I will make another post.  This time it is a quite personal post but I am a very open person so it is ok. As you know I had a lovely evening with my friends tonight and I had such a delicious meal. There is only one problem.. My ex was constantly texting me through out the evening.
You see he is rubberband man. He comes and he goes and gives nothing but wants everything. And I had a choice to either like the situation or say: “No, I will not have it like this anymore”. We broke up 1 year ago and he has been coming back and leaving several times during this whole year. There have been lies about relationships etc.

Yesterday I informed him that since there haven’t been any initiative from his side to make any plans, I had accepted the invitation from my friends. That wasn’t appreciated but I told him off and tried to turn my bad mood into a better one and I succeeded. 🙂
Today when I was just about ready to leave he came knocking on my door expecting me to be available to him. Well you can imagine his surprised face when I said: “Sorry I gotta run!” and just walked out and locked the door. He left without a word.

Then later on when I asked him why he had come he said that we where together and that he expected us to be together this evening. This was all news to me and even if I love him a lot I felt that this wasn’t right. I could feel where this was heading so I asked him to do something he never done before. I said to him that if he is serious about me then add me on facebook and change the relationship status into; in a relationship with me.
This is something he has never done before even when we where living together.
You see I don’t trust that he is single for one bit since he has lied about it before. Guess what, he said no. I said that is totally fine for me. But then you also have to accept that I don’t want you in my life. And here we are..

So why am I telling you all of this? I was about to say yes but then I stopped and listened to myself.. If I say ok then I am doing what I always have done and I will get the same result over and over again. I don’t want that. I deserve better and I want someone who treats me just as good as I deserve. I don’t want to be with someone who just wants me so that no one else cannot have me. I simply refuse to do that.  I want more, I want it all!

So the lesson is: Never settle for less than you deserve no matter what because trust me, there are far more worse things than being alone. I actually quite enjoy it until the right man comes along. 🙂