I am walking down another street!

I love Dr Wayne Dyer and I miss him a lot, bless his soul. I often watch his seminars on YouTube and I try to implement what he taught us in his videos. There is especially one seminar, where he reads a poem by Portia Nelson that I like very much, and yesterday late at night I finally, got it. I really got it!

You see, I am a single woman, who is very attracted to the alpha male types. You know the highly successful men, who make things happen, they can make decisions and they are going somewhere in life. Many of them are business leaders, managers, CEO:s etc and some of them are narcissists…

I am very familiar with narcissists, I was raised by one, my mother. I later on dated them, but at that time they were bad boys. Then I grew up and met a very successful man, let’s call him P. He was a biker, but not one of those biker gang guys. He was handsome, smart, cool, and he could make money out of anything, he was very talented. I was so impressed by him, his intelligence and his ability to make money. And the best part, he really liked me, or at least so I thought..
He also had a son, who I later found out also was a narcissist and I spent more than 4 years living with them. It nearly destroyed me, I lost myself in the process. He broke my heart totally and it took a long, long time for me to pick up the pieces. This was before I moved to Turkey and he was one of the reasons to why I moved.

I cut all ties and seized all contact with him and his son. No fb, no messages, nothing. This was really hard because I was obsessed with him, his attention was like heroin to me. But I did it, because of  5 very good friends of mine. Veronica, Stellan, Christer, Ingela, Jeppe and Victoria. Without them I couldn’t have done it. Thank you!

I have bumped into him again a few times after that when I have been home, but I totally ignore him, no hello, no contact. I know very well that I can’t even talk to him even once, because I will be drawn into his web all over again and it will kill me this time. It is just like a sober heroin addict, who just  wants to have one small fix for old times sake. *KAABOOM* Straight back into addiction! And I love myself way too much to even consider it.

This was back in 2008 when the relationship ended and even today he is still effecting me very much, I dream about him a lot at night, he is in my mind. Sometimes I can hear his voice when there is something that triggers a memory. I used to hate him but I don’t anymore. I am grateful, because of him I started to read more and more about human behavior, I started to study my own behavior and I improved myself and many other positive things, I became more aware. I would never have done that if I would have stayed in his presence. He also taught me what red flags and warning signs to look out for. This was really learning by doing.

Unfortunately though, I don’t dare to trust my instincts when I see the red flags. I start to question myself, is it me who is overly cautious and paranoid? Perhaps I am just being silly and scared after the relationship I had? So I find myself in the same position over and over again since the universe will unmercifully repeat the situation until you have learned the damned lesson! That is how it is and I am a very, very slow learner sometimes.
Until yesterday that is..

Last year in 2o15, I met a man online, lets call him R.  He seemed perfect, he was tall, very intellectual, wanted kids, had an extremely high IQ, he was looking for the same kind of relationship as I was looking for and he really understood me. Sure there was a few things that was weird, we only had contact when he wanted to and sometimes he avoided my questions, it was like he was blowing hot and cold but I was really interested in him. We decided to meet and he flew out here to meet me. At this time I had some intense dreams about my ex P, I couldn’t understand why I had that. I was totally focused on the new guy so it didn’t make sense at all. Guess what, during those 3 days we spent together there was temper tantrums, he pushed me, he screamed at me for interrupting him, he got upset because I didn’t take good enough pictures of him and he took an incredible amount of selfies (around 100). It was all about him. I even left him in the restaurant in the middle of dinner because he was behaving totally unacceptable. After we parted I sent him an email asking him to send the few pictures he took of me, I never got an answer. He was another narcissist. The good news is that this time it took 3 days to figure it and not 4 years.

After this episode, I have bumped into a few more narcissists online, and the most current one is a Swedish man who was behaving very much like R, he even looks like R! The funny part is that it is the same story all over again, self focused, he is promoting himself, disappearing for a few weeks and then showing up again just to be so incredibly busy but he wants to fly out here and meet me. And guess what, I got so pissed off by his behavior!
Who the fuck do he think he is? You see, since I have been around so many narcissists, I have read up on them and I have learned to discover them sooner and I know how to break up with them. But it also made me stronger and it made me realize my own value and when someone tries to walk all over me I become angry and that anger helps me move mountains. So when Mr Sweden contacted me I politely blew him off and it felt great! You cannot win or get revenge on a narcissist, don’t even try. Just make sure that they leave you alone.

And then I realized one thing, this time I have been thinking a lot and having very vivid dreams about both P and R!! I didn’t make the connection until this Swedish man tried to do his trick again. Whenever I come close to a narcissist my subconscious is guiding and warning me and I have been too blocked to see it! *rolls up a newspaper and hits myself on the head with it!* Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

I mean it is so obvious, how could I not see it?!  And then when I went to bed and I had finished writing in my journal, it hit me straight in the face, gently with a chair, what Wayne Dyer and Portia Nelson wanted to say with this poem. Late shall the sinner awake..
If you want to see the video with Wayne Dyer when he reads the poem, click here

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.


I am SO walking down another street my friends!!


You have a choice.

Hello fellow earthlings.

A few things have happened since our last time. I am in a new town and I am working at a new place. It is still in Turkey but it is a town called Kusadasi. I got tired of being in Marmaris during the winter because it was really a struggle for me to be there. I will not go into all the negative things, let’s just say that I am happy that I made this decision. I will be going back to Marmaris 13th of April.

So this new job is still in the gold business and I am surrounded by abundance! I am wearing jewelry with a price tag of 290.000 Euros and that is just one necklace!! I mean how does it get any better than that??  🙂 I feel so rich! I have changed as a person and I am getting in touch with my femininity again. I feel so good here that I don’t want to go back to my other job but I am trying to put my focus on the positive aspects of it. By example I will be close to my chiropractor and that means that I will have less pain in my pelvic area, I will be able to take wonderful walks along the beach every morning and I will live closer to the ocean. I will see my street cat Floke again and my cute little neighbor Koray 🙂 I will have my hammock to lay in during the summer evening and I can look at the stars and my new friend from work is actually living in Marmaris so I wont be alone. Not to mention my wonderful friends from Scandinavia, UK and the Netherlands  that will come for visits!
So there is a lot of positive things. That is what I am focusing on, there are always something good to hang on to.

I can give you another example, the tourism here in Turkey has been very effected by the terrorists and people thinks that it is a major war zone over here so they are cancelling their trips. Our boss decided that he needed to cut our salaries with 10% very month temporarily everyone was so angry and upset. People turned to me and asked me why I didn’t seem upset with it. My response: Of course it effects me but do you know what, right now I am just grateful that I still have my job and that no one got sacked.

You see, it is all about how you choose to see things.
Later on we heard that we might get the money back at the end of the season so that’s what I am focusing on right now. 🙂

Be safe.



Why not?

“I can not change my job.”
“Oh it is impossible to win the lottery ”
“I can not just pack up and move to Spain/Maldives”
“I can not go back to school”
“I can not start my own company”
“I am not good enough to write a book”
“Oh he/she would never be interested in me”
” You can not just wish for 10.000.000 Euro!”
It is a never ending list…

Does anything in the list above sound familiar?  Everyday we are being told by others or ourselves that we can not do this or that and that things are impossible.
Well I just have one thing to say. Why the hell not? (my blog, my language)
Why not try to see some possibilities where others see problems. If you want something go after it. Don’t think people took my move to Turkey easily. I lost many friends but I gained a lot of new one and the ones that matters are still there.
This is YOUR life and YOUR choice and life becomes just like YOU create it. Maybe it will be hard and maybe it will make people raise their eyebrows and maybe you will be scared when you go up to that guy/girl and ask if he/she would like to go out in a coffee with you. But so what? You are going after what makes you happy and living your life to the fullest. If you are happy jumping out of a plain in a fly suit, do it! If you love someone tell them! If you believe that you will win the lottery then don’t listen to anyone telling you different. And you my friend are a wonderful person and you deserve everything good the world has to offer you. You just have to understand it yourself. 🙂

Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
~ Paulo Coelho

Ask + Believe = Receive?

If you have seen or read The Secret or Esther Hicks book Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires  then you know that for things to manifest into your life you have to let go of the HOW and just simply put your wish out there, believe in it and then simply wait for it to show up.

There is nothing simple about that if you are a perfectionist and a over thinker like me. I have no problem letting go of the HOW things will manifest into my life.. But I do have a problem with HOW I ASK. Everyone is different and all of the statements below are correct. You just have to find the one that resonates with you the best. You have a few choices and the key is to choose the one you believe in, you can feel it is the reality and feels true to you.

  • Affirmations
    I call them is statements, “I am so slim, fit and I look fabulous.” This can be hard if you are overweight and feeling miserable about yourself.
    (My brain always tells me: Naaaa you are a fluffy little liar! Hahaha)
  • Afformations
    This is for us who have a problem with the statements above. Apparently when you ask yourself a question the brain is trying to come up with answers and doesn’t have time to take apart the statement. Why am I so slim, fit and look fabulous?” Now the brain is starting to come up with answers and are saying, Yes why are you slim, fit and fabulous? (see I figured out how to outsmart my brain)
  • Wishing
    “I wish that I am slim, fit and that I look fabulous.” For me this one doesn’t work. It is a wish and it will be stay a wish in my thinking. But it doesn’t mean that it is not right for you.
  • Want
    “I want to be slim, fit and look fabulous.” I think this is the one that works the best for me. It is a simple and clear statement. I want it and I have no doubt about it.
    Most of my manifestations has come when I have used this statement.
  • Can
    “I can see myself slim, fit and looking fabulous.” Well if you can see it in your mind you can have it in your life. See it and believe it.
  • Could
    “If I could be slim, fit and look fabulous I would be happy.” This is the one I like the least because there is an if in front of it. My spontaneous reaction is well who is stopping you from being that? The world is our oyster so go and get it tiger.  But again if this one works for you please continue doing it.
That was the asking part. And maybe there are more ways to ask that I haven’t stumbled upon yet. What to remember is to focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. Because for some strange reason LOA just jumps over the negative word and gives you exactly what you don’t want since that is what you focus on. I will give you and example.
  • This is what you say: “I don’t want more unexpected bills”
  • This is what LOA hears: “I want more unexpected bills.”  and since they are so kind and give you everything you ask or well you will get more bills.
  • “I want to have enough money to pay all my bills” is turning your first sentence into a positive sentence and voilà your focus is now positive.

So the Universe just called me and told me that they have an offer this week and they give each of you 3 wishes right now and they just want to know what  you would like to have in your life? 😉


You are what you think..

My name is Martinha but everyone calls me Tinha. I am half Brazilian and half Swedish.
I have always known that I am different from everyone else in my family. They never understood me and most of the time they gave me anxiety and I felt that I was never good enough because I was not like them. I was ill, I was stubborn, I didn’t listen, I spent money like they never would, I followed my own path and I got kicked out of school. And am I glad that I did!

One day I took my things and moved to a new country, Turkey! I moved to a city by the Aegean sea called Marmaris. It is a very unmodern country compared to Sweden and life here is hard and I can be frustrated here sometimes but I love my new country with all of it’s flaws because it gave me my life back and it taught me that I have a value exactly as I am. And that was the kick in the butt I needed.

I have a goal. I will become a wife, an excellent mother, a successful coach who helps people reach their goals, handle their stress and pain and I will become a loved tutor and also pain free. I will live the life I have always dreamed of and you my dear co-creators will follow me on my path.

You see I believe in the Law of attraction. You attract what you actively think about and it goes automatically even if you don’t believe or understand it. You can choose to not believe in Gravity but it still works.. Don’t get me wrong, crappy things happens to me as well, I have just decided that I want to deal with it in a better way and in that way make some damage control.

I am gonna share with you my thought and wishes, good days as bad days and maybe we even can help and inspire each other. If you are new to Law of Attraction or LOA  I would recommend that you do a google search or watch/read The Secret.

The easy formula is like this: ask+believe=recieve
Remember when you where a kid and you wished toys from Santa? Bingo it is exactly the same thing. You never doubted for one second that you would get the things you wished for and there you have it. You where exited when you wrote that list, you looked through the catalogs and you were imagining yourself playing with that Barbie or Lego. That is the flow we need to get back to and then things will start to manifest into our lives.

So just try to remember back to how it felt when you where writing that wish list or have a look at the children around you and see their joy when they are wishing for something.

Just as I wrote the things above I got all tingly so that I how I know that I am on the right path. Let’s see if you will get any tingles today.

Be safe,

Oh if you see a foreign language in the comments and want to translate it is most likely Swedish, we use the letters: å,ä,ö. But if you see these letters: ş, ğ, ı, ç then it is Turkish.